


Despairingly Hopeful

by nanamicide



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa Zero
Genre: Anger, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, F/M, I really don't know how to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:35:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26357329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanamicide/pseuds/nanamicide
Summary: Yasuke Matsuda loves Junko Enoshima more than anything, and he wants to save her.
Relationships: Enoshima Junko & Matsuda Yasuke, Enoshima Junko/Matsuda Yasuke
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	Despairingly Hopeful

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes in this fic, I did not proofread nor edit it because I wanted this to be a simple vent fic. I also wrote this within an hour because I was angry at the own institution I study at, so I thought this would be a good way to let it out lol.   
> Hope y'all enjoy this!

Yasuke Matsuda was angry. He couldn’t believe the academy he had respected for so long was asking him to do something so horrible. Yet, he knew he had no choice but to accept. It was either this or they would cut all his funding – he needed that funding. If he lost his job and research work, he would lose everything.

Sure, his appearance and general demeanor made him look like he didn’t care about anything. His dark hair had gotten too long a few years ago, and he’d never taken the time to cut it; he kept most of the buttons of his white button-up opened and loosely tied his tie; if he wasn’t doing anything serious, he was reading some silly manga, even around important people. But this was all an act. Yasuke only acted this way because he didn’t want to get hurt again – not after what had happened to his mother.

He locked the door to his lab, hoping no one would bother him. Even if someone tried to come and talk to him, he would ignore them. He usually wasn’t in the mood to deal with others, but this time, it was worse. He sighed, and let his back slide against the door until his legs and butt hit the floor. Burying his face in his hands, he thought about her. He had wanted to save her with the results of his research. He had wanted her to have a normal life with him. And the academy he had always admired as a kid – the academy he had worked so hard to get into while grieving his late mother – was going to take this away from him. No matter what decision he would end up taking, he wouldn’t be able to save Junko from despair. Most of all, he wouldn’t be able to save himself despair. And that would mean she was right; that despair is unavoidable, and that it would consume everyone.

_It’s either I brainwash this kid, give him all talent known to man and possibly ruin his entire life by turning him into a disaster waiting to happen, or I give up on my work. I give up on the possibility to ever help her get better, and help people like mom. This fucking sucks! It’s shit! This isn’t what I have given up on a common life for! This isn’t what I studied so hard for!_

The Ultimate Neurologist spent a few extra minutes cursing himself, his girlfriend, the academy and its steering committee. He also cursed the students from the Reverse Course and their parents, for being so naïve and believing that Hope’s Peak was the greatest thing known to man the way he had. He cursed all the Ultimate Lucky Students, for stealing all the luck from people like him – people who had to work hard to create their own talents; people with bigger aspirations than any of them would ever have.

Yasuke Matsuda was fuming. He felt a few hot tears rolling down his cheeks, which turned his anger up a notch. He never cried. The only time he had cried was when his mother had died. Crying now meant he was disrespecting her, almost as though he was forgetting how much he loved her and how much she meant to her. He was confused. He was upset. None of what was happening felt right.

_‘Oh, Mastuka-kun,’ Tengan-san said. ‘Have you made any progress on your memory erasing procedures?”_

_Yasuke was confused. No one but him knew about this part of his research. He had kept it a secret from everyone just to make sure Junko would never learn about it. If she did, he knew she would end up using it for the sake of causing herself more despair, and he wouldn’t allow it. He was working on it for her sake, anyway. He thought that if he erased her memories, he would be able to save her. he didn’t fully understand how far she was willing to go, or how crazy she had gotten over the years, but something stirring inside of him was telling him that he needed to stop her. That because he loved her, he had to use his talent to help her. But he hadn’t told anyone about it, so how did Tengan-san know? Did it mean that Junko knew too? He didn’t have time to think about it, he needed to make the former headmaster leave his lab._

_‘Huh? I’ve never been working on anything like this,’ he replied, keeping his eyes glued to the manga he was reading. This made lying to Tengan-san easier. He had so much respect for him that he found it difficult to not come clean. Still, he knew lying was necessary. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t be able to protect Junko. She was the only person he had left, after all._

_Tengan-san paced around the lab, retrieving the journal Yasuke had kept hidden in a stack of both textbooks and mangas. He wasn’t the most orderly person, and he had always thought that this would keep others from going through his personal belongings. He’d clearly been wrong._

_‘So, what’s this about?’ the older man asked, flipping through the pages. ‘Why would you keep this a secret from the academy?’_

_‘Well, it’s not really elaborate enough for me to call it a procedure, really,’ Yasuke lied, mentally thanking himself for never writing anything too personal in his journal._

_‘So you’ll be able to erase people’s memories at some point, won’t you?’_

_‘I’m not sure.’ He felt himself growing more and more annoyed with every question the other man was asking him. ‘I’m really just doing this for fun. I’ve been reading this manga that uses amnesia as one of its strong plot-points, so I was wondering how it would translate in the real world, that’s all. I don’t think it’d be right to use it on a person.’_

_‘That’s a shame, Mastuda-kun. The Steering Committee and I have recently started this project in which this would be very useful.’_

No matter how many times he replayed that moment in his head, Yasuke couldn’t think of anything he could have done to keep the older man away from him and his research. They’d been spying on him – he had found surveillance cameras hidden around the lab a few days later – and knew everything he was up to. He had done a good job of making his research sound like it really wasn’t much. He had managed to keep his composure no matter how annoyed and upset he had been. It just wasn’t enough, no for people who were staff members of the most prestigious academy in the world. He had to accept it.

Despite all of this, things had been fine for a few days. Tengan-san hadn’t come to talk to him again for a week, and Yasuke had assumed they’d given up on their project. But he had been wrong. Tengan-san had come again to explain what the Kamukura project consisted in, and how he now had to find out about how to implant talents into people’s brains. He’d promised him that he was free to accept or refuse to work on the project, while making sure to tell him that there would be financial consequences if he refused. Yasuke had known exactly what that meant.

The deadline approaching, – he was supposed to meet with the Steering Committee in an hour to give his answer – Yasuke felt like he was losing it. He had never been this angry in his life and nothing could calm him down. He was losing his chance at making the world a better place the way he’d always wanted to. He was losing the only chance he had to have a normal life with the girl he’d loved since he was a child. It hurt. It hurt even more when he thought about how he’d somehow brought all of this upon himself by enrolling at Hope’s Peak academy. He only had himself to blame.

Slapping his cheeks to snap himself out of his thoughts, he opened his eyes and stood him. He needed to prepare the presentation of the neurological part of the Kamukura project he was supposed to deliver in an hour. It wasn’t anything too complicated for him. He’d come up with every single part of the procedure. The only reason he was even preparing for it was because he knew burying himself in his work and research was one of the only things that made him feel at peace. Junko used to be part of these things, but as time had gone by and things had evolved between us, she’d ended up in the group of things that troubled him. Despite that, he still wanted to bring the old Junko back. He longed for the way things used to be between them, and how wonderful she had been to him after his mother died.

A part of his notes caught his attention, giving him the hope he’d needed for the past week. _I don’t know how to erase the emotional and sentimental parts of memory. These are too widespread across different areas of the brain for me to risk removing them. It could permanently damage some tissue that’s necessary for one to be talented. This means that even if the subject won’t remember where they come from in terms of events and people – and thus won’t understand them – they will be able to recall some of the things their vessel has felt in their past life. This means I can still use the memory erasing procedure for Junko. I can still save her. All I have to do his make sure nothing reminds her of despair after I erase her memory. This Kamukura project isn’t so bad, after all. I’m sure Junko will find out about it. It’s a matter of weeks until she asks me to use my talent on her. I hate having to betray her like this, but it’s what’s best for both of us. I have no reason to feel guilty for what I’m about to do. As for the subject of the Kamukura project, I can only hope that they have someone they love the way Junko claims to love me. Maybe they’ll be able to save them to, even if only accidentally._

Yasuke closed the notebook and replaced it where it had been. Taking a deep breath, he unlocked the door to his lab and confidently walked out. What he was about to do wasn’t entirely ethical, but he had a noble reason to go through with it. Besides, he was purposefully leaving out the possibility to restore whatever he would end up ruining.

Hope and love sure were beautiful things, especially when they were colliding.

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this idea that Yasuke might have purposefully let the people he erased the memories of (Ryouko, Izuru) remember people they have feelings for - Ryouko remembers him, and Izuru remembers Chiaki. I've briefly mentioned it in my current Kamunami fic (which you should totally check out, by the way) and sorta wanted to expand on it a little.  
> I might also end up turning this into a multi-chaptered fic/AU in the future, so lemme know if you'd be interested in reading this. I'll finish the Kamunami fic I'm currently working on before working more on this, so this might not happen until a few weeks.   
> Thank you for reading!


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